“Honey”

My friend Kay was as clever as they come.  She was quick, sharp, and funny.  She didn’t miss a thing.  She could always be counted on for a laugh.  Not anymore.

Our mutual friend Anna is steadfast, the one of us to have been the most diligent about ensuring get-togethers.  Kay and I certainly made our contributions to the cause, but Anna is a cut above.

The three of us have been friends for over three decades.  We’ve spent countless hours together talking, eating, working (yes, we met on a job), and attending a huge variety of functions.  We’ve spent hundreds of hours on the phone over the years.  We’ve bailed each other out of jams.  There was one serious falling-out between two of us some 17 or 18 years ago, cleared up with a little time and effort, a few tears.  I love both of them dearly.

We got together a couple of days ago in Anna’s home.  This now takes some doing, as Kay is no longer herself and relies on her gem of a husband to get her around.  Kay is struggling with early-onset dementia.  She can’t take herself anywhere.  In fact, when she is some place, she’s never quite sure where she is.

She stumbled into the house on her husband’s arm and was clearly confused.  She has a visual condition that further complicates her situation; she is nearly blind.  And Anna went into action.

“Here, Honey,” she said, taking Kay from her hubby.  “I’m right here.  And here’s Carolyn.”  I spoke so she could place me.  We moved on from there; at every juncture Anna made a point of Kay’s knowing where she was, what was happening and what was going to happen, and just generally keeping her as oriented as it’s possible for her to be.  We led her from place to place, seating her, serving her, explaining and answering questions.

We both spoke carefully and simply, reminiscing, joking, reminding, directing.  “Honey,” Anna kept saying in a preface to most of her comments to our friend.  “Honey, here’s your chair.  I’ll help you sit. Turn around.”  “Honey, this is a pasta salad and here’s bread.  May I butter it for you?”  “Honey, will you have more tea?”

It made me smile, it was so sweet.  Anna isn’t generally given to calling people “Honey” but she was clearly in care-taking mode and the endearment was a mark of her love for Kay.  It was gentle, tender, caring, thoughtful, soft.  She was being a good friend.

It brought to my mind the verse found in Ecclesiastes 18:24.  It was penned by Solomon.  “. . . there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (or sister).

We’ve been a threesome for a long time.  I hope we remain so for some time yet, even forever.  And when Anna begins to call me “Honey,” I’ll know the jig is up for me.  But I’ll sure be glad to have her!