No Need to Yell

“Thank you for not yelling at me,” the harried-looking woman said.  She was red-faced with exertion and the heat.  She was in a hurry; the line behind us was long.  We’d inched up into front position, drinks in hand.  Jayne and I looked at each other.  Yelling? Why would Jayne feel the need to yell?

My friend and I were, along with her 16-year-old daughter and the 16-year-old Korean exchange student living with them, wandering around a massive flea market on the Sunday of Labor Day week-end.  It was hot and everyone was thirsty.  So.  Lavender lemonade it was!  We’d spotted them earlier in many hands and finally located the booth from which they were being sold.

Standing aside with our treasures, sipping, the exchange student suddenly began to dance and point.  She could speak very little English, with emphasis on the “very little.”  She was focused on Jayne’s glass.  “Mmmm.  Ummm,” she squealed.  We didn’t understand but we all looked.  We could see stuff floating in the glass, as in everyone’s, that we all naturally assumed was . . . well, lavender.

“Oh, oh, oh!” emerged from our young friend’s mouth, and then, finally, something that sounded a bit like “bee.”  She’d found her word.  Bee?  We all looked again and, sure enough, could clearly see a dead bee floating in Jayne’s glass amid the lavender fragments and lemon pulp.

And now we were back in front of the woman who’d sold us the drinks only a few moments earlier explaining the situation.  Gently.  It hadn’t crossed any of our minds to be demanding, accusatory, or angry.  We simply wanted the woman to know she might have a problem at her booth.

That’s when she said, “Thank you for not yelling at me.”  Which suggested to us that she had been yelled at by someone, maybe lots of someones, over time.  What a shame.

There’s rarely any benefit to be gained by yelling at an individual.  Rather, yelling is more likely to have the opposite of the desired effect, resulting in hurt feelings, anger, and alienation.  Paul enjoins us to be gentle and thoughtful and considerate to everyone at all times.  There’s a quotation I’ll bet you’ve all seen, for which I can’t find an attribution.  “You never know what someone is going through.  Be kind.  Always.”

That’s excellent advice.  There’s no need to yell.